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The more you understand life, the more the universe will bring on the challenges, and again it’s not what happens to you that count it how you deal with it! The way you think in response to the challenges will either make you or break you ~ its your choice! Yours is an individual story, of that I am sure. Every person deserves the respect of being acknowledged for their challenge, for their strength and for their courage, dealing with life sometimes and just keeping on takes enormous courage and strength. How do I know that, because I have been there, I have sat with people holding their hands while they waited for God to lay his hand upon them, to take them past the human pain and suffering of disease, I have held a new born baby knowing his mother had only days to live, I have cried with friends who seemed to be facing unbearable challenge. In my life I have seen most things, some of which defy logic, and leave you questioning what life is about. I have helped many to buffer the hardship, rest their minds and souls and find the strength to keep on. Life is about just that, keeping on and living it to the fullest. However - When your life has turned to crap and your hurting like hell all you want is for the pain to stop, and for someone to make it alright. It’s ok to acknowledge that you’re having a real hard time just coping with life and its demands, and the last thing you want someone say to you is, “It will be alright!” “You have to let go!” Or “You have to stop struggling,” “It will be alright.” Well meaning words trying to give reassurance when within you your world is crashing down around your ears. You want to hold on to the words but inside you the essence of you that fears fights, screaming words ringing in your head as you argue your situation back and forth, trying to find peace with what has happened. It’s normal to feel vulnerable when your world is shaken upside down, its normal to feel confused, angry and emotional this is the first stage of the shock of grief. And no matter what has befallen you, weather its an accident, death of a loved one, personal illness, your partner running of with someone else or any of the other multitude of life changing things that the universe can unleash. You must not give up, you must keep on and the way to begin that is to acknowledge what has happened and second; keep breathing and don’t panic. First remember those around you aren’t going to know how to help you, how to give you real support unless they have been faced with some pretty hard life speed bumps themselves. Its only people who have healed their issues who can empathize and give real practical support, you don’t want sympathy, you want empathy, and you want someone to understand. I found in my darkest hours, people were lost as what to say or do, they were uncomfortable with my situation so they often went quiet and said nothing, they may avoided me, they may said things that drove me nuts! At times I became so distressed by how people responded to my situation I wanted to scream, listen to me, hold me, just be emotionally available so I can connect to another living person who cares. But generally people didn't, because they didn't know how! Or they were totally uncomfortable with my situation so they just walked away. Statements like “It will be alright Les, you have to stop struggling, let go of all that stuff, its time to give up on your dreams,” are just a few things that many people said to me back then. At that moment of someone uttering those words in my ear you can imagine my thoughts were along the lines of, “So what the hell would you know what I’m feeling? Walk a mile in my shoes.” “If I let go of any more I won’t exist!” “How do I stop struggling when I have no money, no job, no home and no help?” “What am I supposed to do lie down and die?” “Cant you see I know what I am doing, I know I can make this work. Why do you keep telling me to give it up? Why can’t you believe in me?” I didn’t know what it meant to stop struggling! I didn’t know it meant to change my energy, to rise above the sadness, back to laughter and security and to learn to choose the thoughts I think! ~ stop re running the negative in your head ~ As the emotional pain intensifies the anger rises and the frustration has you wanting to lash out and yell and scream at the universe because the pain is so bad, you just want it to stop. All you want is someone to listen; all you want is someone to understand. All you want is to feel safe – even if it’s just for a moment. You know deep inside you that what they have said is right, but you don’t have a clue how to do it! You want to let go and stop tearing yourself apart, but what does it actually mean and how do you do it? You’ve been mentally beating yourself up so bad that your head hurts, your thoughts are going in circles, and you know that you’re overreacting to everyone and everything. Right now you want to run away from the world and all its nasty ways, and just forget it all. What you wouldn’t give at this moment for a safe place to cry, a safe place to be vulnerable, a safe place to rest and get your life back together. But often there is no safe place, just you and a lot of well meaning people who have less skill than you do trying to tell you how to fix it. So where do you go? What do you do? Who do you turn to? Take a deep breath and don’t panic! So you’ve been told to ‘Let Go and Stop struggling,” What the crap does that mean, now really? What you want right at this moment is to understand how to get out of the HELL your living in and to find practical, tangible easy things to do to bring about the permanent positive change. Does letting go and stop struggling mean that you just do nothing? Of course not! Does letting go and stop struggling mean you let yourself become totally dependant and fall into the abyss of social workers, psychologists and welfare systems? No not unless your completely co-dependant. Does letting go and strop struggling mean, “There is nothing you can do so just give up? Of course not so let’s put it in perspective. FIRST THINGS FIRST Letting GO: Remember when fate strikes the first thing is the shock, you have to change, your life has changed in the flash of an eye and you have little to no control over that moment, the flag has been waved and now the challenge has begun. Don’t spend all day rehashing the story but look for constructive support, seek out those who can help you who are not emotionally involved in your problem or situation. Remember those closest to you will want to help but they are also dealing with their mirror, their perception of your situation is going to make them face the big question.
”My God, what if this happened to me?” and with that in mind some people are going to act bizarrely and unpredictably. While others will act like champions and rise to the challenge putting you and your needs above all else. Resist the temptation to wallow in self pity. It’s not easy but only talk about your problems with people who have strong positive emotional support for your situation. Do not allow negativity into your arena, and be careful not to go for the sympathy vote! Get a Grip - Stop talking to all and sundry about your problem, be choosey, be selective, own your situation. Accept things are how they are – they may be unpleasant but denial, anger and aggression won’t change things. Be careful don’t make major decisions while you’re emotionally unsettled, don’t rush things, stop – rest – regain balance before you do anything and only make conscious choices. Avoid emotional choices, panic choices or knee jerk reactions to your situation, take your time. Consolidate your energy, gain the information you need talk to experts and make the decision to resist getting caught up in the drama. No matter what make a commitment to get on with your life its ok to ask for help and guidance but ultimately you and you alone must accept responsibility for your choicesDon’t go blaming others for what has been or for how they are letting you down, your perception will color your experience, and remember people aren’t perfect they are people. NO one can fix your problems, you have the problems to force you to develop qualities as a person, to give you self belief, to make you face your fears, to inspire others with your courage, so don’t looking for sympathy – seek out empathy! When you’re ready, and the grief has begun to subside – then it’s time to “GET A PLAN.” It’s important you understand right from the beginning, that thinking about the problem 24-7 will not solve it, all it will do is create a stress attack and headache. Telling your story over and over will only keep regurgitating the emotions and the negativity of the situation, making you feel exhausted and fragile. No one else can fix things for you, ONLY you can do that. When things get too bad its ok to go to bed and pull the blankets over your head for a day or so, but sooner or later you’re going to have to deal with the problem, staying in bed and hiding won’t solve it that’s for sure? No matter how big the problem it can be broken down into bite sized chunks so you can deal with things. Take the one-day at a time approach until you feel you are strong enough to take the next steps. Get practical – get a practical attainable plan that can be broken down into tiny little baby steps. Don’t panic but instead realize this is just change, and right now you don’t know how to do it, but you will. It will be different life will never be the same, it may not look like it right now, but it can be better that’s for sure. Start with tiny steps right now, make the commitment to do at least one thing to improve the quality of your life every day, and be gentle on yourself. |
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