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A Teenager in the House

by Deborah Beach Giordano
© September 10, 2007

Every year Mary and Joseph went to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. When Jesus was twelve years old they went up as usual for the festival. When it was over, the family headed home, not realizing that Jesus had stayed behind in Jerusalem – for they assumed he was among the mass of returning pilgrims. They traveled for a full day and then, that evening, began looking for him among their relatives and friends. When they couldn’t find him, Joseph and Mary went back to Jerusalem to search for Jesus. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. All who heard him were amazed at his wisdom and the answers he gave.

When his parents saw him they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Young man, what do you think you’re doing? Your father and I have been frantic. We’ve been looking for you all over this town!”

Jesus replied, “Why were you looking for me? Didn’t you know that I would be in my Father’s house?” But his parents couldn’t imagine what he was talking about.

~ The Gospel according to Luke 2:41-50

This gospel passage has provoked much criticism of Mary and Joseph: how could they lose Jesus? How could they leave town and travel for a whole day without realizing that he wasn’t with them? What kind of parents were these two, anyway?

The simple answer is that they were the parents of a teenaged boy.

Anybody who is surprised that twelve-year-old Jesus wasn’t walking home from Jerusalem with his parents has never been twelve years old. Most twelve year olds don’t even want to admit they have parents; and they certainly don’t want to be seen walking with them as if they are … well, children or something; like they can’t be trusted on their own. After all, they are almost grown up. They don’t need supervision; they know what they’re doing.

Or so they will tell you.

What makes us think that Jesus – whom we say was fully divine and fully human – would be any different? As a twelve year old boy he would have been pushing against the constraints of childhood: wanting to be treated like a man; certain that he knew exactly what he was doing, sure that he was unstoppable, convinced that nothing could harm him.

That’s what we all think, when we are young, isn’t it?

Before we’ve seen real life: before we’ve seen sickness, poverty, or death. Or, even if we have seen these things – we don’t believe they will ever apply to us. Especially not death. My goodness. We’re going to live forever. And so is everyone we care about.

The boy Jesus felt quite safe in Jerusalem; so at home in the temple that he called it “my Father’s house,” so confident that he stood right up and asked questions of the rabbis. Surely no harm could come to him in a place like this.

His parents – older, wiser – knew differently. They had lived through Herod’s pogrom against male infants, they had seen the innocent suffer, they had buried friends and loved ones. And so they searched anxiously through the streets of Jerusalem, seeking their son, their precious child.

Intelligent, independent, fiercely strong-willed… Jesus could not have been an easy child to raise. Did his parents worry aloud; fretting that they had given him too much independence, too soon? Did Joseph berate himself for not keeping the boy safe? Did he wonder if he ought to have been firmer with Jesus, or did he wish he’d hugged more often? Was Mary in tears, fearful that her son had been hurt or killed, fearful that the time when her heart would be pierced had already come?

We are told that they did not find Jesus for three days. And we, with our post-resurrection confidence – we who know that the story has an amazing and ultimately happy ending, do not realize how long that was. To Mary and Joseph those three days must have seemed an eternity.

At last they came to the temple. I imagine them pushing open the doors, feeling their blood pulsing in their ears, a few moments of stillness as their eyes adjust to the darkness inside – and there he sits! Calm and confident, without a care in the world. They both breathe a sigh of relief, their fear turning to anger: “What on earth are you doing here?!” “Why didn’t you stay with us?” “Do you know how worried we were?”

Jesus is surprised by their attitude. It must have seemed to him quite obvious: where else would he be but in the temple? And what could happen to him here: after all, this was Jerusalem, the holiest city in the world.

We know very well what could – what did – happen to Jesus in Jerusalem. The same priests who were impressed with his learning would condemn him. He would be betrayed and abandoned by his friends. He would be wrongfully convicted, publicly mocked, tortured, and crucified. Those who watched him die would sneer at his suffering.

With the innocence of childhood, and the holy optimism of God’s own son, Jesus did not imagine that anything could go wrong in Jerusalem.

At what point did the Lord “grow up”? When did Jesus realize that he was not safe in Jerusalem; that his healing works were suspect, that his generosity was resented, that his radical message of love and forgiveness was not welcome?

Or did he never really change? Did this precious son of God believe – even as he suffered on the cross – that people are good and decent? Was he sure that we were worth his efforts?  Did he have faith that we are teachable – that we can learn to follow his Way, even though we often stumble and fall?

When did you “grow up”? How old were you when you began to doubt the goodness of your fellow humans? When did you start to expect bad behavior, to suspect people’s motives, to assume that the world was dangerous place where you were always at risk?

We live in a culture of fear. The daily paper reports murders, assaults, rapes and robberies. “Reality TV” features endless tape recordings of the Most Shocking criminal attacks, car chases, and arrests. Films and television programs repeat the mantra of violence, danger, and hatred: pathological killers, murdered children, vulnerable women. They inspire the worst in us: a hunger for vengeance, for revenge, for bloodshed.

For a while there you couldn’t go anywhere without hearing the phrase “what would Jesus do?” It seems to have faded away … perhaps because the question was too difficult. Or maybe it was the answer that was so hard to face.

What would Jesus do – today?

He would probably do what he did as a boy in Jerusalem, as a young man in Nazareth, as a preacher in Galilee, as he did even as he died upon the cross: he would have compassion. He would have hope. He would believe in God and in us.

“Father, forgive them; they know not what they do.” If Your people, my God, understood – if they had real wisdom, they would have compassion. If they could only know You, tender Father, as I know You, they would be loving, merciful and kind.

Things happen and we react – we respond with fear, anger, confusion. We make lousy decisions, do stupid, hurtful things because we don’t take the time to think. We don’t stop to pray, to look to the Beloved, to hold the teachings of Christ in our hearts.

How might our world be different if we reclaimed our own “holy innocence”: if we trust in the teachings of Christ, in the reality of God’s love? What if we respond with compassion, rather than react in rage? if we show pity, rather than hatred?

What if we have faith in others – expecting the best of them, and faith in ourselves – confident of our strength and courage? What if we truly believe in the Good News: that the Light has already, decisively, overcome the darkness?

Hope would grow, peace would bloom, justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

It could happen.

There is only one way to find out.

Virtual hugs and real-time blessings,

Deborah +

This Week’s Suggested Spiritual Exercise: As you have aged, have you grown wiser, or more cynical? What emotions do you experience most often? What can you eliminate from your life that contributes to an attitude of fear or negativity?

There is always a place for caution in our lives. Christ’s commandment to love is not a mandate to take foolish risks, but to be wise-hearted: to respond with compassion, rather than react with fear or anger.

“See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”
                       ~ Matthew 10:16

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