TRUITY Spiritual Mentoring

What makes you feel good? 

Is it your spouse, your parents, your job, your freedom, your finances, your hopes for the future or all of the above?  For some people they spend mega bucks in a never ending quest for that solution to “feeling good.”  The feel good syndrome thanks to media has grown more and more directly linked to money, love, status and who you know.   Magazines encourage the addictions and would have us believe that if we are not swimming in cash or head over heals in love then we are doing something wrong, when in fact 95% of the population are just like us.  Lives are often shattered because people like you and I just cant live up to the unrealistic expectations of life.  

So many young people in particular feel like failures, when in fact they are far from it.  Even new age media hype up things like “The Secret,” telling you that it’s your fault that you are not rich and abundant and smiling all the way to the bank. Sadly so many people spend even more $ trying to be what the books and videos tell them they have to be only to end up even more hurt and lost for the experience.  There are some people, who get lucky, and yes they do change their lives, but generally these people improve their lives simply because they break the patterns of negativity that have kept them in a downward spiral.  The magic is they once again begin to feel good about themselves, and once you feel good about yourself then miracles happen.  

My aim with this article is to help you put things in perspective, and maybe just maybe, we can help you on the way to genuinely “feeling good.”   Would you like to simply “Feel Good,” irrespective of circumstances? Do you think it’s possible?  How about we take a little time and shed some light on the real issues behind the need to feel good, and how we can feel good without needing anyone else to boost our ego, or spending money.

Have you ever noticed that people who have astoundingly successful lives all have tons of self confidence? And, on the other side of the coin did you know that people who lack self confidence and self worth often $ over spend?  So where do you fit? Are you one of those unstoppable self confident people, who just know you, will win at the end of the day?  Or when things go wrong do you plummet into self doubt and self abuse? 

It’s often as if something inside of us has been cross wired, and in most cases it has and it’s that simple. The person who over spends, over eats, over does everything and anything, has made a connection or association between the need to feel good (warm and fuzzy) and a behaviour that very often involves the compulsive need for instant gratification.   No one goes out in life saying I am going to do this to myself, oh what fun it will be to give myself a hard time; 

Our lives today are a result of subconscious and conscious choices, and these choices are driven by our needs base first and secondly by our value and ethics base.   Instant gratification is a part of every day life, and this is what I call the “feel good now ~ pay later,” syndrome.  We go out and buy that new shirt when we cant afford it, spend the rent money going to the club, or do something equally as inappropriate, convincing ourselves, “I’ll catch up next pay day, it will be ok.” But do we ever catch up?  And what ultimately ends up happening to us after we have indulged, “we feel lousy and spend days beating our selves up in our self talk and telling ourselves how stupid it was.”   

The need to feel good, is often an addiction in itself, people throw thousands of $ at self help products and workshops to try to attain it, they rush from relationship to relationship in search of eternal bliss, and spend hard earned cash on things that they don’t really need desperately trying to fill the gap in their soul, when in fact the one thing and only thing they need is to learn to nurture their selves and live with self respect.   The latest craze “the Secret,” is making squillions of $ for the writers, and rightly so they found a fantastic marketing tool and went for it, but how does it honestly relate to the lives of every day people?  Is getting everything you want as simple as, imagining it, owning it and then expecting the universe to hand it to you?  I wish it were. 

For some people maybe this is the case, however I believe the real secret to happiness and feeling good about your life is much simpler, it’s really about simply liking the person you are, and having trust and confidence in yourself and your choices.    It sounds so easy doesn’t it?  Strangely enough it really is that simple, it’s so simple that most people over look it.  I can hear people now saying, “Nurture myself,” what sort of crap is that?  “Self respect,” I respect myself but the problem is no one else does! It’s the relatives that are the problem, or, I don’t have the right job, or, the boss hates me, or, I married too young, or, or, or…….  All of the “or’s” are just lame excuses or lies we tell ourselves to convince ourselves, “there is nothing wrong with me.”  Am I right?   

When you get right back down to basics of life, a person with out self respect is always going to be looking towards someone or something else to make them feel good about their life.   So without thinking about it often people try to gain the feeling good through the money, sex, drugs or what ever is available, but ultimately they are just a temporary substitute that keeps us distracted from dealing with the real issues. In reality our Spiritual Self will keep presenting us with one challenge after another until we come back to understanding our truth, and living aligned to that truth. Growing is often painful and challenging, it does hurt to look in the mirror and see the truth, and yet its only when we do that that we have the real opportunity presented to us - to grow and discover our potential or stay the same and keep spinning those wheels.   

Clear the Plate!   Have you ever been at a time when you just wanted to scream, “Stop Everything!”  Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you mind is just full of a constant jumble of chaotic thoughts?  Well don’t stress it happens to most of us at some time or other.  Getting past this is actually quite simple, when you know how.  Practical things you can do to alleviate the pressure and put life back into perspective.   Here are just a few simple steps to help.   The first step is identifying where the pressure is coming from, so ask yourself who is putting the pressure on you, is it some one outside of yourself or is it actually your own self demands?   Breathe – yes just stop and breathe - to the count of 7.  Count 7 breathe in – hold your breathe count 7 – breathe out to the count of 7.  (That’s 21 all together.) Repeat this 7 times.      Ok now we have some oxygen flowing to your brain.  Ask yourself, what can wait – what can’t wait.  Believe me unless the house is on fire, most things can wait for a few minutes.

       Now a little self check:       Are you sweating constantly:     Headaches:    Not sleeping properly:  Aches and pains:   Are  you argument:   Have you been eating regularly and good food:   How much coffee have you been drinking: (more than 3 cups elevates stress)   Is your heart racing:  Are you finding it hard to concentrate:  Are you feeling tired all the time:  How long since you had a day to rest:         Is there someone who can take the kids for an hour or so to let you take a breather: is life a real struggle? 

If you have reached that place where you don’t know where you start and other people end, its time to change.  Identify where you’re over extending yourself.  Be a little more realistic about what you can achieve and in what time frame.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help from people around you. 

What is anger, why do we experience it, is it a good thing or is it bad like many people would have you believe?  Can anger be used in a positive way?  Or, do you need to psychoanalyse yourself to death, to rid yourself of the detrimental effects anger can produce. 

Anger; is something we all experience, and often in our youth it can be extremely destructive as anger is often fuelled and driven by emotions. When emotions are the fuel then often the fire rages out of control and we end up doing or saying things that we regret, generally everyone has a story about when they lost their temper, and regretted it later.  So is anger good or bad?  In all my years studying people the one thing I can say with certainty is that Anger is not either good or bad, the issue is not the anger, its what you do with the anger, how you process it, how you use the energy of anger in your life. There is an old Tibetan saying is. " you will not be punished for your anger but by your anger."

Think about this scenario; a woman is abused as a child, she deals with her own abuse as best she can, mostly it's kept hidden, out of public view, and even in her own mind she convinces herself that her issues related to childhood are healed.  The same woman has had multiple relationships, some of which have been abusive, yet she feels the failures are things that happened, circumstances, bad choices, and in some ways she believes that she attracts the wrong men.  She keeps trying, keeps working on herself, becoming spiritually enlightened is the way to go, she sees therapists, and life keeps on turning.  Then one day she finds out that her grandchild has been sexually abused, and she explodes like a hurricane of pent up fury, problem is this fury goes on and on and on, for years like an absess, just waiting to resurface at the slightest provocation. The woman knows she must get past her anger, but is lost.  The anger is making her ill, and she knows it, yet she seems helpless to deal with it, it is a part of her that she desperately wants to disown.  She sees psychologists, hypnotherapist, you name it she tries it to rid herself of this anger.  But nothing works, she is trying so hard to let it go, and put it behind her, and this is where I came into the picture. We talked, for quite some time about how she felt, and her grief at her life, we talked about how therapists had approached the issues, and how she felt he needed to disown this part of her, that was sucking the life force out of her. 

This is what I said to her.

"The problem is as I see it, that you are trying to disown something in order to get rid of it, and spiritually that can not work.  You see as spiritual beings we are all things, we own all energy, and it is only how we use that energy which dictates weather we are haunted by it, or empowered by it.  Your answer does not lie in disowning, or getting rid of your anger.  You see by doing this you are saying that anger is not a part of Gods picture, and I am afraid it is.  Even Jesus became angry, and threw the money lenders from the temple.  The problem is you are trying to be something you are not, due to the fact that society has brain washed you into thinking to be spiritual you must be all nice, nice, sugar and spice. There are so many misconceptions floating about in this world today associated with spirituality that it makes me not want to be associated sometimes.

In truth anger is good, the key you are missing is, "You must accept your angry," that is the first step.  Secondly, "you must acknowledge that you have every right to be angry," then you can get real.  Third step is, "NOW! How are you going to use your anger?"  Are you going to continue to use it to destroy your happiness, your life, and everyone around you?" "Or, are you going to channel it in a way that it heals and empowers your life?"   I use anger to give me strength to keep going when things are tough, I use it to wash walls in my house, to dig in the garden, to jog on a treadmill, to do all sorts of things that empower my life.  "The answer is you must use the anger for constructive things."

Write a book, speak on child rights, join a group that focus on the positive energy about peace and healing, and be careful not to buy into negative aspects of the issue.  In the words of Mother Therese, "ask me to come to an anti war rally and I will not come, ask me to come to a peace rally and I will."

The universe does not in truth recognise good or bad, that is mans domain, and in that we can use everything for good or bad, that is our choice.  And ultimately it is those choices that govern how our lives manifest.   Digging up the muck from your past in reality has no use; all it does is fill your life with more negative thoughts which in turn will create more issues for you to heal. 

"You are not your past, you are essentially who you choose to become."  I see so many people go through years of psychoanalysing and therapy, only to end up more messed up than before.   Yes it may help some people, just be careful of getting involved in the self healing syndrome.  Today is a new day, own every aspect of yourself, stop judging it good or bad, just decide to live life on your terms, what ever it be.  Transmute and use that anger energy for good things, and that you will make a conscious choice to empower your life with every aspect of your being. 

I was always told I was too outspoken, so for years I tried to hide my light under a cloud of invisibility, today my ability to see things from a wider perspective, and my courage to speak out, helps thousands of people.  Be who you are, if you are angry then use that anger for positive things!  Be at peace with who you are, and stop trying to change the nature of yourself.  So many criminals, have in life become crime prevention officers, so many abused people have written wonderful books, started organisations, changed society though their courage to turn their focus towards healing and helping others, instead of living the role of a victim.  

So what is it in your life you need to own, and what positive things can you do with it?  Many Blessings  TRUITY.