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You see when your stressed your body produces chemicals in response to your thoughts, so when your stressed out of your brain the body responds by over producing hormones which are destructive when produced in excess, like adrenalin. Why does an affirmation work? It works because it keeps them mind from thinking on the negative. It distracts so the mind can relax and calm itself and produce a balance of hormones during which time the body can heal itself. It’s that simple. O.K by now you’ve got the hand of letting go and stopping struggling so we can get on to some more practical tools to aid in the reinventing of your life. The universe needs a plan don’t focus on how you got here, the face is you’re here as unpleasant as it is. Stop looking back, keep looking forward and understand you can do it one inch at a time. You can reinvent your life you know you can. Who do you want to be? What qualities do you want to possess as a person? What do you admire in others, who are your role model? When you focus on the “whom” the “what” takes care of itself! Natural Law! There is one thing I have found in my life to be an absolute truth, and that is we can only achieve and keep what we admire and respect and that also relates to how we think about what we admire and achieve. The Law of Attraction is ~ what you think and feel you will experience, and keep experiencing. If our lives become something we don’t respect we will subconsciously sabotage that identity or relationship. Make an identity wish list! – Who do you want to be? What is that person like, are they considerate, loving, tolerant, artistic, creative, passionate, fit, healthy, intelligent, gentle, strong, respected by other people, trustworthy, wealthy? If you don’t have a role model then find one. Think of a person who you respect that has become successful. Now write a list of the characteristics that person has which you admire. When you compare yourself with that person, what qualities do you need to develop in yourself? It could be you need to be a little more particular about the way you present yourself; you may need to get fit or lose weight. You may need to learn to be assertive rather than aggressive for example! Now write a list of what you like about yourself as you are now. What are your qualities that give you respect and consider being strength? O.K. Now you have found your role model and you know what you admire about them. So how do you need to develop yourself to become more like them? Write a list. Don’t be afraid, no one else has to see the list it’s for your eyes only! Be self-Honest, but be careful not to put yourself down. Do you need to take more trouble with how you dress and present yourself in public? Do you need to be more honest and less manipulative? Do you need to have more courage? Do you need to be more proactive? Do you need to be able to express your emotions more clearly and show people around you that you care and love them? Do you need to become a little more independent? Do you need to become a little more Interdependent? Do you need to deal with issues of co-dependence? So you now have identified qualities, which you want to develop to support you to improve your life and give strength for you success, what do you do next? BEWARE of the pitfalls: As you begin to work with yourself - Don’t look for validation of your actions or life from other people. Because you won’t get it, if you’re moving a head happily often people around you feel jealous, or betrayed, strange as it sounds its true. You must hold the vision strong and clear in your head and heart of who and what you want to be. Very few people can be sincerely happy for someone else getting life back on track. Sadly a lot of people actually like to think your down and struggling, it gives them something to think and gossip about. Be Prepared; You must understand that if you want to be a musician, it takes time, you must learn the skills you need to do the job, what ever you want to achieve, you have to be a willing student of your own life. Keep it to yourself: Don’t make the mistake of telling everyone around you what you’re doing; people will think your nuts! Not only that but did you know that often people close to you can actually become a barrier to your achieving your goal of a new start and a new you! People feel secure when nothing changes in their lives. Those people close to you may not really want you to change, because if you change and improve your life, they might have to do something with theirs. If you have a dream of being someone, doing something special, more often than enough the answer you will get is not what you want to hear, far too often people just agree with you but you know they are just giving lip service, and if what you want to achieve is out of the norm then your bound to be told to wake up to yourself, get a job and accept that life is how it is. If you want to discuss what you are doing to improve your life, see a consultant, see a councilor or psychologist, someone independent of your situation as they have no emotional involvement in your situation and can allow you to talk without adding emotions and their own value based input into your journey. The sweetest revenge is to have a successful happy life. Look in the Mirror; Take a good look in the mirror and look for things you like in yourself. It won’t hurt a bit. If you don’t like what you see then get a plan and change it!If you are overweight then makes a sensible plan to get your body back in shape, and just do something towards that goal every day. If you are too thin and haggard, then also get a plan and move towards your ideal weight each day, exercise, do palates or yoga something gentle to get your body back working for you. Make your plan achievable; just do one thing towards each goal every day. EVERY DAY! You may have decided that you want to become a social worker, or psychologist for example, well we know these things can happen overnight, but with a bit of persistence they can happen so break your plan down into bite-sized pieces. It’s ok to dream big: I started TRUITY when I was in my forties; I could hardly read and write, I am dyslexic but that has not stopped me. Why hasn’t my learning disability stopped me? The desire to fulfill my destiny is stronger than the pain of learning how to overcome it. Every day since I wrote my personal mission statement all those years ago, every day I have put in motion something, it could be writing a poem, taking a photo, emailing someone who needs help, I have taken one tiny step after the other, without ever giving up on my direction or my belief in what I was born to do. Remember; An oak tree does not grow overnight! Change takes time, and it takes courage and it takes commitment and effort. If you want to study you may need to find out what forms of government support there is for you to study, how many types of study are there, how you can earn an income and still study. Remember: You can work and study part time; there is no law, which says that you have to do it all overnight! It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to do what you plan to do the key here is that your mind, body and soul is moving forward into a new future. Day to Day: Dealing with the practical every day issues can sometimes feel overwhelming. Make sure you have support of one or two good friends that you can have some fun with go for walks with and just chill out with them, lots of laughter is good for the soul. Avoid alcohol and drugs even coffee and tea can induce anxiety if over consumed. Be strong and have courage, stay focused and be determined to GET A LIFE – Remember: - YOU’RE COMING BACK – BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER! Keep moving forward no matter what challenges come your way. There will be days when you just want to crawl under a rock and forget the world. Believe me I know what it’s like, but that’s when you must have the courage to keep up talking yourself. Positive self talk and being thankful is essential. It’s ok to acknowledge the fact that things are CHALLENGING and that right at this minute it’s not easy, but tomorrow it will be better. Don’t deny, acknowledge what your feeling, all of it. Acknowledge the anger the frustration the hurt and the fear. It’s by acknowledging it that the power of it will disappear. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable, and yet know you have a soul of great courage and strength, and that you can make your life better – it just will take you taking care of yourself, and taking each day at a time. Count your blessings! It’s true – my mother taught me something early in life, that when you are feeling sorry for yourself and thinking your life is a mess, just look about you. Open your eyes and take a good look at other people’s lives. My mother always said the best way to forget your troubles is to find someone else who needs help more than you. Go and volunteer at a hospital, help the aged or the homeless. It surely gets your mind of your own troubles, when you see what other people are dealing with. Count your blessings, I have always found that I may not have all I want, but I seem to always have what I need. Fate and friends have been there at critical times, and if many have turned their backs because on you it’s not because they didn’t love you it was because they don’t know how to deal with what you are going through. It is good to remind yourself when things are bad that your family and friends still love you, they often just don’t know how to show you they love you. One day at a time can sometimes be one minute at a time! MAKE Goals and Life MANAGEABLE! If you work out how much money you need for a year it usually makes you feel it’s all too hard, it’s just hopeless. Fear and panic, strike hardest when we try to look into the future ~ you can focus on what you want, that is asking the universe to provide, then the hardest thing is to trust and believe it will come to you. So how can you make it less overwhelming? You know how much you need for a year? Now bring it down to a month? And I bet its still allot of money am I right? Now break it down to a week? Still overwhelming? Now break it down to a day, and now an hour? And if you need to work out how much money you need to earn a minute in order for you to cope. This theory can be applied to all types of difficulties, even giving up drugs or alcohol can be done one second at a time. After all the seconds keep connecting and before you know it, a week has gone and then a month and then a year, and looking back you will say, “I did it!” Thinking this way brings things back into perspective, it allows your mind to think ~ I am safe right now! ~ it allows you to step out of the negative thinking patterns.
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Sometimes people want someone else to fix their problem, or they turn to improper relationships, drugs and or alcohol. In some cases the doing it to yourself can be as simple as having an uncontrollable need to emotionally dwell or express your deepest thoughts to other people who simply will not understand, do not want to understand and don’t respect you for doing it. If you have to express deep thoughts do it in a diary, or with a councilor not in everyone else’s ear. Remember, generally people don’t want to know about your drama because it overwhelms them or it’s simply too much unless they are a very special person, so don’t be angry when they don’t give you the type of comfort or support you want. People want to avoid going deep into emotions, it’s a scary place and people don’t generally like having to go deep, face their fears and their own possible reality. But to heal your life, you must ultimately go deep, allow yourself to face the fears, and by facing them they dissolve. Just like a phantom in the night. People can be afraid of taking responsibility; they just don’t want someone to rely on them. People fear things which challenge their reality, it doesn’t matter if its religion, spirituality, beliefs or values. People like what they know, and are terrified of what they don’t know or haven’t experienced. Find a qualified counselor to talk to, if you’re caught up in the thinking try to balance it with some exercise, go for a walk and look up at the clouds and trees when you walk, don’t look at the ground. Take care whom you share with and how much you share. Be aware of dwelling in the emotions and needing to find an answer, as often there simply isn’t one. Unfortunately the truth is that often-bad things do happen to good people. Remember every day is a new beginning. Mud Slide or Mind Slide your choice? Keep your mind focused on what’s happening in your immediate environment and keep yourself aware of where your thoughts are taking you. Staying too much in the emotions brings on confusion and what I call the Mud Slide and getting lost in mind screwing scenarios, of if, and. but, is also a total waste of time and energy. Keep your hands busy, keep yourself on track, and keep focused even if that focus is reading a book, watching a movie, or going for a walk. Try to be productive without being over the top on the avoidance scene. How do you avoid sinking in the mud? It’s simple be a little self aware and make a choice – it’s that simple. Allow yourself 10 minutes a day to get totally emotional and feel the depth of your sadness and then make a choice to do other things. Be like me write books, dig in the garden, go for a walk, talk to a stranger, clean the house, do anything you feel to do which will bring about a positive result, read a book which has a good story. Don’t let your mind be in control of you, take control of it. Make the conscious choice to focus your thoughts on things that lift your spirits, like music, art, and reading, what ever you find food for the soul that makes your heart sing. Here are a few questions for you: How many times do you get in your car and don’t think about where you are or what’s going on around you. How many times have you driven down the road lost in your thoughts and not even noticed where you were driving or what was going on? I’m sure you’d agree that its pretty stupid thing to do, but how many times do you do it? Most people do it 99% of the time and wonder why they have road accidents! How many times do you do one thing and be thinking about something completely different? Then you wonder why people get angry with you and feel insulted that you are not giving them your full attention! Tip: Try to stay focused on what you’re doing right now in this moment. Look for things to do which need you to concentrate on them, but cant cause harm if you mind does happen to wander. BIG WARNING: Remember that although your life has been shaken up, there are still people around you who need you too. Atomic fall out can happen if you’re preoccupied and not giving your attention to those people who matter most, so if you’re wandering about lost in thoughts feeling sorry for yourself. Your partner will feel unacknowledged and unlovedYour children will feel unimportantYour boss is more likely to think you’re incompetentBut ultimately the big price you pay is:Your missing out on life because your not living it in the now!Memories are the ghosts of the past wafting in through open windows and taking you on journeys out of the now into the past. Have you ever noticed how much we entertain ourselves by telling stories to our selves in our heads? Task for you: Spend the next 5 minutes just being aware of the chatter going on in your head. I think you will be astounded at how much you chat away to yourself and the chatter goes on all sorts of tangents and makes up hundreds of irrelevant scenarios of if I do that he will do that, and then I will do this……..All of which is a complete waste of time. If you catch your mind wandering you can simply affirm today is………………………………….. (Monday the 5t July 2004.) Remember: Where you are depends upon where your thoughts are. And 98% of what you think and worry about never happens! If the constant chatter in your head is getting the best of you, then get out and do something: Go for a walk go to the gym if you can afford it, do some study, do anything but keep your energy moving. The worst thing you can do is let your mind and body to just sit and vegetate. I know when faced with such hardship the mind does terrible things, and your find yourself thinking things like I don’t want to go on, I don’t want to keep living. It’s often at that point we retreat to our beds and sleep, and sleep and sleep. Or we look for someone to tell our story too, or we head for the addiction what ever it is. BE AWARE – of what you’re doing and WHY you’re doing it. When you think you want to die - in reality the problem is not that you want your life to end you just want the pain and hardship to stop. You actually want to start living! It’s your soul screaming out “LET ME LIVE.” So how do you GET A LIFE? Well you take it one day at a time, some people are so fragile when life has turned them upside down they have to take it one minute at a time. The important thing is that you don’t make it any harder than it has to be in order to restore and rebuild your world, and all that that involves. FACTS: If you’re feeling guilty about situations or circumstances you will find ways to sabotage and create suffering. So deal with the Guilt! Face it head on, just like they do in AA. If you cant tell the person because they are no longer here, in this world. Then find a quiet place and talk to their photo, I can guarantee they will and do hear you! If you need to then apologize to the person, tell them your angry for leaving you, tell them your sad but make amen’s, do what ever you have to do to put things right. But deal with it! You can’t move on if you’re carrying a heap of guilt with you. If you’re angry with yourself, you will mentally beat up on yourself, your life will manifest more and more dramatic circumstances until you finally find the courage to ask the hard questions. So find a way to call a truce! Allow yourself to be human, and being human means that we all make mistakes from time to time. We don’t mean to make mistakes but we do it’s a part of the human condition of learning! If we never made mistakes we would never learn anything. Remind yourself that you have always done the best you could with the skills and knowledge you have had, and you can’t do what you don’t know how to do. Look at the situation honestly and then make the commitment to learn some new skills so this won’t happen again. Stick to the commitment and let go of the guilt. A friend once said to me, “if you’re into guilt you’re playing God.” And they were absolutely right. If you are blaming others for your situation then you have not honestly recognized that the choices you made and the way you communicated may have been a part of bringing you to this point in your life. Give yourself a break! It’s not about what we did or did not do, its not about who did what to who or how, it’s about how we can rebuild our lives and in doing so create a better life than what we had before. Feeling sorry for yourself won’t do! To stop the mind slides you can begin by finding or making your own easy affirmations. Get some books on self esteem and positive thinking, look honestly and don’t be afraid to ask yourself some confronting questions such as: am I co-dependent? Did I listen to my gut feeling about what was happening? Could I have done it differently? What skills do I need to learn so this doesn’t ever happen again? When your mind is running riot and your head is spinning make the conscious choice to take control of the situation. REMEMBER: you are not a victim of your thoughts; you have the power to choose the focus of your thoughts. Quite your mind: Whatever relaxes you and is not harmful, do it. Take a long bath, have a massage, listen to soft music, take a walk on the beach, find ways to let your mind slow down. You can use meditation or affirmations to help you relax. Make up an affirmation! An Affirmation is a word or a sentence, which synchronizes with the heartbeat. Words like Heal-ing, hear-ing, love-ing, are all good words to use as a mantra, or affirmation. When you repeat the word over and over it simply distracts the mind. It lets you get out of the negative head space your in and allows the physical body to relax.
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Now Stop Struggling: Right this second your life is a whole new ballgame! What do people mean when they talk about Struggle? There are varying types of struggle, first there is physically struggle: This is the superhuman stuff; you know when you’re so tired you’re ready to drop but insist the washing has to be done and the bathroom cleaned. This is the working three jobs and trying to raise a family. This is pushing your body to its limits and then some. This is often being too proud to ask for help! The Physical Struggle: When your life has been tossed upside down, regardless of how it has happened, you are very likely to find yourself struggling with the fact you don’t have the physical strength to keep doing what you have always done. I have had people say to me that when they got the news it was like being punched in the stomach, and they could feel their strength in their muscles just disappear. Shock of any kind is likely to have a physical effect upon you, its natural and it’s to be expected. The feeling of powerlessness can and does interfere with how we are able to function in a physically demanding world. Any news which shocks the body shocks also shocks the psyche, and the shock can be so profound that the person being influenced becomes uncoordinated and unresponsive to surroundings. Then there is Mental/emotionally struggle, when feelings overwhelm you and thoughts consume you and you can’t sleep, can’t think clearly and act impulsively and often irrationally. It’s sitting in front of the computer at work and not doing anything but cry, its being with other people but being totally absorbed and lost in the chaos of thoughts in your head. It’s feeling alone, feeling like every cell of your body is screaming non stop. “Stop the pain; I just can’t take any more.” On this level it’s only when we have a conflict of interests that we have a mental tug of war going on. Struggle is only possible if you’re having a mental argument with yourself about what has already happened! When you mentally struggle or have arguments going on in your own head, the result is you lose energy. It’s like the vital life force gets zapped out of you because of the emotional helplessness. Both Physical and Mental-Emotional struggle have effects upon our body’s ability to perform. Sudden change, unexpected change, even change that we have seen coming all bring with them physical and psychological challenges. One way I could explain the first stage of starting over is - it’s like feeling numb – like you’re here but not here, almost robotic. When someone leaves you, they die suddenly or, a marriage breaks up, when fate shows its hand and your life is stripped in the flash of an eye the person, or people involved take the power of your reality with them. What I mean by that is someone else has made a decision, or something that has happened to someone close to you has influenced and affected your life, and you have no control over the outcome/ or /their decision. Change especially sudden change brings with it enormous confusion AND self evaluation and self blame: This is natural, as what ever existed yesterday no longer applies today, its like driving down the highway thinking your going north, and then all of a sudden finding your actually on the freeway driving west, and you don’t have a map. Life has forced us onto new territory, and whether we like it or not we are about to do something in life that we don’t know how to do. Make the choice to change your perception so you begin to see this life upheaval as a learning curve – nothing more – it’s just a new experience that you can and will master! Confusion brought about by circumstances depletes our ability to function normally, and this is normal – it happens to 99% of the population. This is the way confusion affects our lives; when we have clarity it’s like having a whole new lease on life, and with that the strength comes back and it’s far easier to move forward. REMEMBER; you can’t change the past and it’s important for you to understand there are three stages of Grief are Anger, Denial and Acceptance. All of which you will feel over and over and over again until the grief has passed. I just want to point out here that Grief doesn’t only apply to death! It applies to loosing a home, a business, a job, and a friend, custody of your children, your grandmothers’ picture or wedding ring! It can apply to anything we associate with our lives, our safety or our well being. You can’t change the past, the only thing you have any control over is how think about it! Whether you choose to think constructively or destructively, whether you maintain dignity or lose all dignity. Tears and grief are totally appropriate when tragedy strikes, but you can’t live there forever. Life goes on, but then again that’s your choice, isn’t it? Back to Dealing with the Grief: People can tell you that getting mad about what happened is a waste of energy – but you’re still going to get angry. It’s natural to get angry and want to punch holes in walls, but are you going to do it? No, I hope not. So what are you going to do with that anger? Are you going to use it to give you strength? Are you going to use it to give you motivation? Can your anger help you change things? Right at this moment you need to draw upon all the energy you have use the anger to draw upon to give you strength to keep going. If you carry bitterness into your future you’re the only person who it will really damage! It’s so important that you understand the past is the past and your cant fix it, you can’t change it – it happened ACCEPT it and as my mother would say – get on with life. Make your actions count – towards building your life back up again. When your in the early days of Grief its easy to find yourself going through the entire encyclopedia of if’s and’s and buts in the world, trying to make things different, and I hate to say it but its not going to help one little bit. What’s done is done, and can’t be undone no matter what. In relationship, trust to me is always like fine china, once it’s broken no matter how much glue you use you can’t put it back together like it was originally. It will always have weakness; it will never be perfect again. We all have a history, we all have sad stories to tell and that is life. Every person on this earth has a story, everyone has a measure of sadness and pain, it comes with the human condition we call life, but, more than that we all have so much happiness, and good memories, and hopes and dreams of the future. Feel what your feeling, don’t deny it because someone says it’s not appropriate, but be careful what you do with that energy! All you have control over is how you respond/react to the circumstances; you can choose to have an empowering attitude to help you get through. After a time it will be easier to look for the positives, and to reset your compass to steer towards a new future. It will be visible to everyone how much your journey has strengthened you, developed your compassion for others and above all you will come to peace with your experience, if you use the energy to strengthen yourself and your wisdom to guide and help others. Peace comes from having a clear conscience and is the result of self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and ultimately from letting go of the struggle of how we think life should be. Peace about knows you have done the best you could with the skills and knowledge you had at the time, and from always believing in your self and that the future holds all good things. First is peace then we begun to work of understanding that empowers constructive behavior and decision making. Watch your mind chatter! ~ don’t wallow in self abuse! This does not mean you become control freaks to try to get life back on track, this means you look inside and you make the choice to do the right thing, instead of doing things right – OK! Which are two totally different things? Tragedy does not choose its victims, it is like a random generator, and things just happen and bad things do happen to good people. At the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, all you need to know is that no matter what happened you’re a good person and you made your choices based upon your skill understanding and knowledge you had at that time. That is unless you deliberately lied, cheated or did something you know to be wrong. If this is the case your conscience is surely going to give you a hard time until you remedy and come to terms with your actions and forgive yourself for your errors in judgment. Conscience: Every person on earth has one; it’s comprised of our values, morals and ethics, it’s what we believe to be right action. To me, it’s my inner guidance system. It keeps me honest with myself, and I know if I don’t listen to it then I will pay a price through the experience, which follows. So if you made choices that lead to bad situations/learning experiences then you can just as easily choose to do it differently next time. It’s not hard to have the courage to look honestly at your self; the hard part is not beating up on yourself when you don’t like what you see! The most important message of all in all of this is that one day, may be not today, may be not tomorrow, but I can guarantee one day that you will want to start over and you will find inside yourself the strength and the courage to grow and for life to keep on living! When you’re ready to take the next step there are a few more things you need to remember. Firstly AGAIN~ resist the temptation to keep telling your sad story. Make the choice to step out of the drama. When you keep on telling the story you keep on creating emotional muck that you then have to spend days trying to escape. When you tell your story be aware your about to take a giant nose dive right into your emotions. If the event is recent you can guarantee - it’s like diving into a pool of mud. It makes sense that if you want to get back on top you don’t need all that confusion which accompanies those emotional mud baths. Self Check List:If you find yourself continually telling the sad story asks yourself.Why are you telling it? Are you really looking for sympathy? Is it because you want people to help?Is it to justify your actions?Are you looking for validation?Look at your motivation, what is it you want from people?I’m not saying ignore how your feeling, by all means acknowledge the feelings, but don’t live there 24-7. Set yourself 10 minutes a day to worry and beat yourself up if you must, but no longer – life is too short! Remember: Regurgitating the story what ever it is only drains you of energy and leaves you feeling disempowered. Positive thinking, is constructive thinking, imagine your situation solved, imagine your life back together happy and healthy, use your imagination to help your spirit define a path to the future. What we think our energy follows, so if we think of unhappiness and failure that is what we will keep drawing to ourselves, this is a time where you are being challenged by fate to understand and master the use of will. Willpower or wont power it’s up to you. Now I never said it would be easy, and you’re going to have to dig so deep inside yourself to find the hero! For life won’t settle for less, you can do it; you can turn your situation around through changing your perspective on the situation. And that’s the honest truth! Dealing with well meaning friends and family can be an issue, especially if you’re a little fragile and still trying to pull yourself together. The grey area, where you slip and slide, one day your fine and the next you’re a basket case is a very valid part of grief and the grieving process and it certainly isn’t helped when someone turns around to you and says “You’ve got to stop doing this to yourself!” Well when this happened to me I wanted to punch the stuffing out of them! Well-meaning crappy statements such as that just raise the blood pressure and leave you dissecting yourself into oblivion while you try to work out what the hell do they mean anyway? Those sorts of statements in my experience your head spin, your heart pounds and you want to punch holes in walls. They have the effect of completely undermining any sense of empowerment you had left. I found myself in a tailspin questioning every thing about myself – what am I doing? What can they see that I can’t? I felt so helpless and useless and disempowered and I cried and cried feeling totally worthless and that I must be the biggest idiot on earth. I could not understand how these people who claimed to love me could keep on belting me over the head with their well meaning unsupportive well meaning, ignorance. Today the qualities I look for in people who become my close friends is firstly to accept me as me, second is their ability to be non judgmental, compassionate, and empathetic to be honest, trustworthy and ethical. A sad fact of life is that I have personally witnessed a lot of well meaning people from different “groups,” seemingly thinking they all have the answers and in ignorance feel they have the right to use their beliefs or knowledge like a sword when a person is down. Sadly this often happens in the spiritual arena and can be associated with some religious groups who have a holier than though attitude. Every day of my life I have always tried to empower people’s lives, lifting their spirits pointing out the positives. The world damages people enough without me doing it. Statements like God is punishing you for your sins, or that what’s happening now is a result of the karma from another life, or that their charkas are blocked and out of balance are terrible things to say. Keep away from well meaning people with small minds! Remember when your feelings are fragile and damaged beware that you have your soft little vulnerable belly showing: and for sure there is someone close bye just waiting to give it a whack. So be careful you don’t expose yourself to be harmed by what I call the well meaning un-evolved. Now getting back to the statement: “You must stop doing it to yourself.” The ultimate end of struggle only comes when you have clarity of self, who and what your life is about. The powers of the universe or God won’t settle for less, it will keep challenging you and challenging you until you find the courage to be yourself. Because in denying your deepest truth – in being what other people want you to be – you are ultimately not aligned to the power of manifestation. It is possible that because of being blinded by grief you could be subconsciously sabotaging your efforts to rebuild your life by being overly emotionally needy. That grief could stem from a day when you were 5 years old, and something happened to shake your faith in your own self worth. Sometimes it’s the small things that hide behind reactions which plague our lives the whole of our lives. I used to run from facing emotional challenges, just pack the car and run, only to find I ultimately had to come back and face the very thing I didn’t want to face.
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The more you understand life, the more the universe will bring on the challenges, and again it’s not what happens to you that count it how you deal with it! The way you think in response to the challenges will either make you or break you ~ its your choice! Yours is an individual story, of that I am sure. Every person deserves the respect of being acknowledged for their challenge, for their strength and for their courage, dealing with life sometimes and just keeping on takes enormous courage and strength. How do I know that, because I have been there, I have sat with people holding their hands while they waited for God to lay his hand upon them, to take them past the human pain and suffering of disease, I have held a new born baby knowing his mother had only days to live, I have cried with friends who seemed to be facing unbearable challenge. In my life I have seen most things, some of which defy logic, and leave you questioning what life is about. I have helped many to buffer the hardship, rest their minds and souls and find the strength to keep on. Life is about just that, keeping on and living it to the fullest. However - When your life has turned to crap and your hurting like hell all you want is for the pain to stop, and for someone to make it alright. It’s ok to acknowledge that you’re having a real hard time just coping with life and its demands, and the last thing you want someone say to you is, “It will be alright!” “You have to let go!” Or “You have to stop struggling,” “It will be alright.” Well meaning words trying to give reassurance when within you your world is crashing down around your ears. You want to hold on to the words but inside you the essence of you that fears fights, screaming words ringing in your head as you argue your situation back and forth, trying to find peace with what has happened. It’s normal to feel vulnerable when your world is shaken upside down, its normal to feel confused, angry and emotional this is the first stage of the shock of grief. And no matter what has befallen you, weather its an accident, death of a loved one, personal illness, your partner running of with someone else or any of the other multitude of life changing things that the universe can unleash. You must not give up, you must keep on and the way to begin that is to acknowledge what has happened and second; keep breathing and don’t panic. First remember those around you aren’t going to know how to help you, how to give you real support unless they have been faced with some pretty hard life speed bumps themselves. Its only people who have healed their issues who can empathize and give real practical support, you don’t want sympathy, you want empathy, and you want someone to understand. I found in my darkest hours, people were lost as what to say or do, they were uncomfortable with my situation so they often went quiet and said nothing, they may avoided me, they may said things that drove me nuts! At times I became so distressed by how people responded to my situation I wanted to scream, listen to me, hold me, just be emotionally available so I can connect to another living person who cares. But generally people didn't, because they didn't know how! Or they were totally uncomfortable with my situation so they just walked away. Statements like “It will be alright Les, you have to stop struggling, let go of all that stuff, its time to give up on your dreams,” are just a few things that many people said to me back then. At that moment of someone uttering those words in my ear you can imagine my thoughts were along the lines of, “So what the hell would you know what I’m feeling? Walk a mile in my shoes.” “If I let go of any more I won’t exist!” “How do I stop struggling when I have no money, no job, no home and no help?” “What am I supposed to do lie down and die?” “Cant you see I know what I am doing, I know I can make this work. Why do you keep telling me to give it up? Why can’t you believe in me?” I didn’t know what it meant to stop struggling! I didn’t know it meant to change my energy, to rise above the sadness, back to laughter and security and to learn to choose the thoughts I think! ~ stop re running the negative in your head ~ As the emotional pain intensifies the anger rises and the frustration has you wanting to lash out and yell and scream at the universe because the pain is so bad, you just want it to stop. All you want is someone to listen; all you want is someone to understand. All you want is to feel safe – even if it’s just for a moment. You know deep inside you that what they have said is right, but you don’t have a clue how to do it! You want to let go and stop tearing yourself apart, but what does it actually mean and how do you do it? You’ve been mentally beating yourself up so bad that your head hurts, your thoughts are going in circles, and you know that you’re overreacting to everyone and everything. Right now you want to run away from the world and all its nasty ways, and just forget it all. What you wouldn’t give at this moment for a safe place to cry, a safe place to be vulnerable, a safe place to rest and get your life back together. But often there is no safe place, just you and a lot of well meaning people who have less skill than you do trying to tell you how to fix it. So where do you go? What do you do? Who do you turn to? Take a deep breath and don’t panic! So you’ve been told to ‘Let Go and Stop struggling,” What the crap does that mean, now really? What you want right at this moment is to understand how to get out of the HELL your living in and to find practical, tangible easy things to do to bring about the permanent positive change. Does letting go and stop struggling mean that you just do nothing? Of course not! Does letting go and stop struggling mean you let yourself become totally dependant and fall into the abyss of social workers, psychologists and welfare systems? No not unless your completely co-dependant. Does letting go and strop struggling mean, “There is nothing you can do so just give up? Of course not so let’s put it in perspective. FIRST THINGS FIRST Letting GO: Remember when fate strikes the first thing is the shock, you have to change, your life has changed in the flash of an eye and you have little to no control over that moment, the flag has been waved and now the challenge has begun. Don’t spend all day rehashing the story but look for constructive support, seek out those who can help you who are not emotionally involved in your problem or situation. Remember those closest to you will want to help but they are also dealing with their mirror, their perception of your situation is going to make them face the big question.
”My God, what if this happened to me?” and with that in mind some people are going to act bizarrely and unpredictably. While others will act like champions and rise to the challenge putting you and your needs above all else. Resist the temptation to wallow in self pity. It’s not easy but only talk about your problems with people who have strong positive emotional support for your situation. Do not allow negativity into your arena, and be careful not to go for the sympathy vote! Get a Grip - Stop talking to all and sundry about your problem, be choosey, be selective, own your situation. Accept things are how they are – they may be unpleasant but denial, anger and aggression won’t change things. Be careful don’t make major decisions while you’re emotionally unsettled, don’t rush things, stop – rest – regain balance before you do anything and only make conscious choices. Avoid emotional choices, panic choices or knee jerk reactions to your situation, take your time. Consolidate your energy, gain the information you need talk to experts and make the decision to resist getting caught up in the drama. No matter what make a commitment to get on with your life its ok to ask for help and guidance but ultimately you and you alone must accept responsibility for your choicesDon’t go blaming others for what has been or for how they are letting you down, your perception will color your experience, and remember people aren’t perfect they are people. NO one can fix your problems, you have the problems to force you to develop qualities as a person, to give you self belief, to make you face your fears, to inspire others with your courage, so don’t looking for sympathy – seek out empathy! When you’re ready, and the grief has begun to subside – then it’s time to “GET A PLAN.” It’s important you understand right from the beginning, that thinking about the problem 24-7 will not solve it, all it will do is create a stress attack and headache. Telling your story over and over will only keep regurgitating the emotions and the negativity of the situation, making you feel exhausted and fragile. No one else can fix things for you, ONLY you can do that. When things get too bad its ok to go to bed and pull the blankets over your head for a day or so, but sooner or later you’re going to have to deal with the problem, staying in bed and hiding won’t solve it that’s for sure? No matter how big the problem it can be broken down into bite sized chunks so you can deal with things. Take the one-day at a time approach until you feel you are strong enough to take the next steps. Get practical – get a practical attainable plan that can be broken down into tiny little baby steps. Don’t panic but instead realize this is just change, and right now you don’t know how to do it, but you will. It will be different life will never be the same, it may not look like it right now, but it can be better that’s for sure. Start with tiny steps right now, make the commitment to do at least one thing to improve the quality of your life every day, and be gentle on yourself.
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I often relate the journey of my life to the movie, “the man who sued God.” In brief, the story is about a man who had stepped out of his career to have a simple life, but in that life he had not found the one thing he longed for, love and a good relationship. It was as though fate kept whacking him over the head, things kept going wrong and he ended up loosing his livelihood when lightning struck his fishing boat and sank it. Then to add fuel to the fire the insurance company wouldn’t pay up because they said it was an act of God. So in order to pay his ex-wife back a loan he had borrowed for the boat, he decided to sue God. (which ended up being the church) anyway, if his boat hadn’t been hit by lightning, and if the insurance company hadn’t refused to pay him his money, he never would have gone back to the city and back to being a Lawyer, and he never would have met the love of his life. The story ends up happy ever after, with his partner and love of his life, selling his story to the media, for $250 thousand. Life had taken him in a huge circle, and forced him by acts of fate, to get his life back on track, and bring him fulfillment. My story bears remarkable resemblance to the story of the man who sued God; I set out in life striving to do the right thing. Fate however had other plans, and life seemed to just keep giving me one challenge after the other, until I felt absolutely dizzy from the journey. I had the right intention but I had failed in one major area of my life, and that was to openly acknowledge what I needed at the core of my being in order to for life to blossom. Eventually after one thing on top of another I stood stock bare like a newborn babe my health had gone, my marriage had gone, my life’s work now in tatters after the unethical carrying on of the Venture Capitalists, I was left with no choice, feel the depth of the anguish and go back to basics. I had to look at how I thought and what had happened was when things started getting rough, instead of keeping strongly focused where I wanted to go, I had fallen into self doubt and the terror of loosing all I had worked for. And of course everyone I knew was only to happy to add to the doom and gloom prophesy of it all, I had done a real job on myself. Everything I had known, learned and believed went out the window, and life became a living hell of dreadful thoughts, avoiding debt collectors, and living in total fear and going over and over and over it in my mind till my head hurt. Then one day I read this little book, a woman who knew what she was talking about wrote it in fact. Yes one day when bored I decided to read, “Book of Choices,” don’t laugh, yes I read my own book that I had written! And it was like reading a book written by someone else, someone I used to be, and it shocked me. How had I become so negative, how had I forgotten to know to watch what I thought, how could that have happened to me? I had manifested over a million $ to create my project, and done that just using the power of the law of Attraction, conscious attraction and focus. In the next breath I had listened to my so called advisors, friends, and guru’s and started to doubt my vision, hence I lost nearly everything. Everything that is except my intellectual property. ~ I hung on to TRUITY~ no matter what. It was like looking at my own life from another totally different perspective! Wow! It was time for me to rebuild with a solid foundation of self honesty and sound relationships. Time to START OVER! So what was it in me that created all that incredible experience? I can tell you in a couple of words, I was unsure of myself, didn’t trust my instincts, and needed to take the whole journey in order to find out who I am and what I stand for. And it was that simple! So with all of this in mind, this book is designed to give you some simple practical insight and help lift you back up on top of the challenge. It will help you change your perception and it will help you get a plan. Whether you stick to the plan is up to you. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with commitment, courage, honesty and determination it will happen and little by little life will get better. This I guarantee! How do I know? Well this book is the condensed understanding from over 27 years of soul searching, research, and self-healing and walking more than a mile in your shoes. This book is only an extract covering some of the topics I cover deeply in the Program, which are bases upon the TRUITY CHOICES, Game, Workbook and Training products. This is designed to wet your appetite, give you food for thought and inspire you to overcome. God Bless you my friend, happy journey and know that every soul’s journey is to the same ultimate result – know your self – trust yourself.
STARTING OVER During the term of your life there will be many influences beyond your control, many of which will sweep in and change your life forever - overnight. It can be that we can lose a loved one, we can be a victim of crime, we can lose our jobs, lose our money, get caught up in a scandal, we can even become homeless. Fate is at times a hard mistress. I believe everything happens to us for a reason. Sometimes it takes a while for the reason to show it, but eventually when we look back, hopefully we all will be able to say, “I am a better person for that experience; yes it was the worst thing in the world when it happened but look at me now. Look where I have grown to, look who I have become.” Fate never hands us any more than we can handle, it is us who decide to rise to the challenge or to cease to believe in the power of the human spirit to overcome. Will others be there for you when you’re having your darkest hours? If your lucky yes, but its normal for 99% of the population not to be there, not to want to know, not to be able to find the strength within their selves to simply put their pain aside for you. When faced with illness or tragedy every day people are faced with their own mortality and most of them don’t want to look in that mirror. It’s that simple. It takes a special friend, family member or loved one to just be there for you in your time of challenge, and as I explain further in this little book, there are many, many challenges we can face which push us to begin again, and people wont always be understanding or supportive, because people cant do what they don’t know how to do. So basically it’s up to you, just like for me I was the only one who could search inside of me to find the courage and the strength to just not give up, to keep going no matter what the odds. Never ever give up, for the sweetest revenge is to have a successful, fulfilling life that you live to the fullest, no matter what your circumstances. For most of my life I have studied people, I have been fascinated by the fact people generally treat each other so appallingly. Even as a small child I could not understand why people could be so nasty! I never could see why someone’s religion or race made a difference, after all wasn’t it the qualities of the person that counted in life. Even at the age of five, I knew in my heart that what makes a good person is treating others with respect, compassion and care, not all the other crap people go on with. Yet as an adult, I know I am a good person, but why has the journey been so challenging? What was I missing? Well it was the way my internal dialogue kept replaying the negative statements, like “ I never should have tried,” “bad things always happen to me,” “I am a looser,” “people never like me,” “no one will give me a go.” Just to name a few of the most repeated thoughts I kept having. My understanding of life is we are here living this life in order to learn to constructively deal with what ever comes our way, we are here to lean to say NO TO VIOLENCE! Violence plagues our planet, wars fought in the name of God, in the name of right, in the name of greed and even in the pretence of liberation. But violence is not contained to war; violence happens every second of the day, in people’s minds, in their homes, in the streets and in the media. Especially in the media, we are constantly bombarded with the images of violence and that violence is acceptable. Well I am here expressing my view that Violence in any form is not acceptable. Whether we are beating our selves up mentally or someone is beating up on someone else physically violence is not acceptable. The subtle self violence is in fact the biggest enemy each of us will ever face; it robs us of happiness, security, and the ease of manifesting a wonderful successful incredible life! The violence inside of our heads ~ that’s the big killer. During the course of our lives, if we are lucky we grow in understanding, we learn to detach from the emotional reactions to situations and we discover ways to deal constructively with bad situations. Wisdom comes with age, my mother always said, but let me tell you a secret, wisdom is not only for those who are of age, its there for everyone.
When I was younger I used to turn into an emotional basket case every time something didn’t go the way I wanted it too, until finally I realized how much of a waste of energy it was. A huge part of life experience is learning to understand that life will keep handing you the crap, doesn’t matter how enlightened you become the same crap still comes your way, and the ultimate truth is its not what life hands you – its how you deal with it that counts. And for those who think the more religious or spiritual or evolved you become then the less crap will come your way, let me tell you you’re absolutely wrong. Don’t forget to listen to the Free Audios to motivate you and help you get on top of your struggle. Motivation
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