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Toxic Relationships part 2.
In the last article I talked about Toxic Relationships and the signs and symptoms. This article I will go a little further into how you can strengthen your energy and clear negative energy the aim is to eventually get to the point where it will no longer affecting your life.
When we live with other people it's inevitable that we absorb and take on some of their energy. Have you ever met a couple who finish each others sentences for example, or met a couple who over time become to look like each other? With some couples one may even have a dramatic personality change, as they take on the energy of the stronger partner. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it's not so good, often negativity has such strength that it will seep into the very core of a good even-tempered person changing their attitude to life and every thing that goes with it. Its easy to be a peace living on your own, when your on your own you don't have to deal with other peoples stuff, you have no one to please, no one to answer to and no one to tell you their joys and woes.
The whole point of spiritual evolution is that we become aligned with our inner truth, the core of right action and right thinking, and in doing so we can be in the midst of chaos but stay calm and centred in the midst of it. Untouched by all that goes with it, nice thought, and not only a nice thought, it is actually a valid liveable reality. So how do we sort out what is ours, and what is theirs, how do we know when we get short tempered and prickly if its us or someone else's unexpressed anger hanging in the air? Well the answer to that question is, if you take it on you must have in your quantum energy field a like component, (some of that same energy) you can only ever attract to what is alike you. So if things keep coming your way that you no longer want in your life, like angry people, or people who make life a chore then this is how to get past it.
The only necessary and not negotiable part of this exercise is that you allow yourself one hour a day to spend time alone, in pursuit of balancing your life force energy. Some people meditate, some jog, some sit and watch the sea, others read a good book, some do yoga, it doesn't matter what it is but it must be just for you, and at the same time lift your spirits. For me, well I do a combination of things, I write articles, I do my photography, I sit by the sea, I allow myself to download the clogging, smothering chaos of life on a regular basis. I live a very busy life, surrounded by many people doing various jobs, the energy I encounter often encroaches upon my home space, as I live in a hotel with my partner. He is GM so we live onsite, its no way a luxury life, to the contrary, our bedroom is also an office, and workspace. The energy of the hotel surrounds me constantly, and being a super sensitive person to energy, it surely is a challenge. If I were any less strong in my core I would surely become a nervous, disturbed blubbering mess, I have no doubt.
The secret for me is "knowing" myself, and recognising the moment when I begin to become entrapped in overwork, over thinking and over reacting to life's daily challenges. For example, if my partner is under a great deal of stress and brings that stress home to bed, I will have dreams that are totally off the wall, weird symbolic dreams that leave me exhausted. When this happens I know I am processing his energy for him, helping him download his accumulated crap from the day, sometimes we have what are called karmic contracts with partners to do this, especially when you are a involved in healing arts or crafts. I don't want the reader to take this article the wrong way, it's not about blame, or someone being wrong, I am simply saying that we often take on the energy of those who are around us.
It's up to us to consciously recognise this, and then deal with that energy from a point of internal power. By internal power I mean, to simply recognise what is happening, and then do something to provide your own body with its own space to rebalance. Taking care of the self is critical in keeping harmony spiritually. Never say yes when you want to say no. If you want to say no, then find ways to say it without being hostile and aggressive in the process. Take responsibility for your actions, and always stand 100% in your integrity. Never agree to something that goes against the principles you hold important, not even for a so called friend. If a discussion starts that is gossip and detrimental to someone, then simply change the subject. Don't have an opinion. Don't put energy into things that cause harm to another person.
Negative people can often be very charismatic, very pleasing and very affectionate. They can charm you into their web of intrigue, and before you know it they have you gossiping and joining in their reality. I often see this behaviour with staff, you know who are honest and reliable, and who just tell you what they think you want to hear, and you see how one bad apple can infect the whole of the tree and do it with such charm. People like to be liked, and sometimes the most negative people are the most charming and underneath the most destructive. Toxic people are often very social, very loud, and very aggressive, they rule with force and control with fear and gossip.
So after reading this second article on Toxic relationships, take a moment and look around you in your life. How are you going to deal with Toxic People in your life from today on? Will you let down your standards and become like them? Or, will you choose to walk to the beat of a different drum, follow your truth and your own path and be in that respectful to yourself?
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When you go into a restaurant if what you want is not on the menu do you ask for it anyway?
Once, I used to stick to what was on the menu. I would accept the status quo, but these days I don’t have a problem in asking for variations of what they advertise. It’s such a simple little thing but do you know it’s an example of life. We seem to willingly accept limitations rather than ask for what we want. And if we don’t ask for what we want then how do we expect to get it?
Think on it, how many ways do you accept the status quo, weather it’s the fact you simply want a bacon sandwich, rather than a bacon, egg, avocado fancy thing… or something more important. When we ask the universe to bring us success and opportunities, how do we express that wish, do we just say bring me what’s best for me and hope something good will arrive? Or do we actually say, I want this, this and this out of life and I am willing to change, grow, face my limits and keep smiling to achieve it.
That’s my thought for the week. Remember you can ask for things that are not on the menu, you never know you just may get them. Many Blessings Lesley
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~ You are welcome to forward this to others, please credit the author. ~A Bowl of Soup
by Deborah Beach Giordano
© July 21, 2008
In his old age Isaac prayed that he and his wife Rebekah might finally have children, and the Holy One granted his request. But it was a difficult pregnancy, and Rebekah prayed to God for understanding. The Eternal said to her, "You are carrying two nations; you will give birth to two people whose families will be divided. One will be stronger than the other; the elder will serve the younger."
When the time came, Rebekah gave birth to twins. The firstborn was red and his body was covered all over with fur — so they named him Esau (which means "hairy"). His brother came out afterward, his hand gripping Esau’s heel — so he was called Jacob (which means "heel").
Isaac was sixty years old when the children were born.
When the boys grew up, Esau was a skillful hunter who loved the open fields, while Jacob was a quiet man who stayed indoors. Isaac loved Esau, because he liked to eat the meat that he brought back; but Rebekah loved Jacob.
One time, when Jacob was cooking a stew, Esau came in from the field, exhausted. Esau said to Jacob, "Give me some of that red, red stuff to eat, for I am starving!" (This is why he was called Edom — which means "red.")
Jacob said, "First sell me your birthright."
Esau said, "I am about to die from hunger; what good is a birthright to me?"
Jacob said, "First, swear that you will give it to me." So Esau swore to give his status as elder son to Jacob.
Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew — and he ate and drank, then arose and went on his way. That’s how little Esau cared about his birthright.
~ from the book of Genesis 25:21-34
And so ends an ancient — and very weird — story about a guy who traded his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew. Why on earth would he do such a thing: surrender his inheritance and discredit his good name — in exchange for a cup of soup? Was he really all that hungry? Was he crazy? Did he hold his family in such low esteem?
Of course the real bad guy in the story has to be that Jacob. Imagine refusing to give food to your own brother! How heartless to force him to give up his dignity, his honor in the family — while sitting there with a pot full of stew!
There was certainly something wrong going on between those two. But whatever it was, it certainly has nothing to do with us. Nothing like that could ever happen in our world.
Or could it?
I wonder.
A couple of weeks ago I met with other concerned citizens to discuss the projected California State budget. Yet again our legislators were planning to "balance" the budget by cutting services to those in greatest need: the young, the old, the poor and the infirm.
We gathered together to collect stories to take to Sacramento, to schedule community forums, and develop alternative solutions. It was exciting and inspiring to be involved in the process, and a privilege to be a part of such a great group of folks.
What was most striking to me was how little people were asking for. Most needed only a small amount of help. There was a wonderful young woman there who has no arms or legs — she gets about with an electric wheelchair which she navigates with her mouth. Jan is a delight not because she’s "overcome her disability," but because she is bright, funny, and articulate. She is also a lawyer and the executive director of a local agency that empowers people with disabilities to live on their own. With the help of minimal public assistance programs (such as accessible public transit), people with disabilities can stay in their own homes, go to school, raise families, and hold down jobs. They can be, as the saying goes, "contributing members of society."
That is all anyone at the meeting wanted: that those we work with and advocate for be given the opportunity to make a difference in the world. There were no "militant" demands for "government handouts," we do not expect that their every wish should be fulfilled. But they need some help.
Without it, they may end up in dismal nursing homes, homeless shelters, or on the street. There, they become nobodies: their talents, their ideas, their skills and imagination lost; their birthrights surrendered. All they might have done, the contributions they could have made, is gone forever.
And so we held our very necessary meeting; a strategizing session to keep these hopes and possibilities alive.
The attendees represented a cross-section of America: parents of young children, elder advocates, people with disabilities, preschool teachers, food bank staffers, high school students, seniors, health care workers, teachers, librarians ...
The only ones missing from the mix were the rich and comfortable.
I guess they thought the issue didn’t concern them. After all, no one would ever ask them to choose between their "birthright" and their next meal. Their options are always open: their opportunities limited only by their imagination, their positions secure.
How different from those who live in poverty, who have lost their jobs, their insurance, or their health! Every day that fearful choice looms: will they have to surrender their pride, forego their dreams, cease doing what they love — stop being who they are — in order to feed their children, care for their aging parents or ailing spouse? Will they be able to pay the electricity bill, afford necessary medications, or keep a roof over their heads?
Low-wage workers are always at risk. They rarely receive benefits, and are the first to be laid-off in economic downturns. If they earn a raise or are given more hours at their job, the family may lose the help that makes their existence possible (such as food stamps or health care supplements) — because now they make "too much money."
There is Wealth or Welfare: but there is precious little in-between to prevent people who are on the edge from sliding into abject poverty. The "working poor" want to work: they want to contribute to society, to make a difference in the world, to honor their mothers and fathers and set an example for their children. And yet they often must give up all of these things in order to "qualify" for welfare: they are forced to surrender their birthright in exchange for a meal.
How readily we condemn Jacob for his unwillingness to feed his hungry brother! How confident we are that such a thing "could never happen here."
Jesus replied, "Who are my mother and my brothers?" Looking around at those who were sitting with him, he declared, "Look! These are my mother and my brothers and sisters! For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother."
~ Mark 3:33-35 (Mt 12.46—50; Lk 8.19—21)
Virtual hugs and real-time blessings,
Deborah +
This Week’s Suggested Spiritual Exercise: Do you know how your tax moneys are being spent? What is being funded "in your name"? What isn’t being funded that ought to be? Let your elected officials know where you want your resources to be directed.
Do you know how your tax moneys are being spent? What is being funded "in your name"? What isn’t being funded that ought to be? Let your elected officials know where you want your resources to be directed.
"Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me."
~ Matthew 25:34-36
To See this Reflection with illustrations, go to www.inklingscommunity.org
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~ You are welcome to forward this to others, please credit the author. ~A Bowl of Soup
by Deborah Beach Giordano
© July 21, 2008
In his old age Isaac prayed that he and his wife Rebekah might finally have children, and the Holy One granted his request. But it was a difficult pregnancy, and Rebekah prayed to God for understanding. The Eternal said to her, "You are carrying two nations; you will give birth to two people whose families will be divided. One will be stronger than the other; the elder will serve the younger."
When the time came, Rebekah gave birth to twins. The firstborn was red and his body was covered all over with fur — so they named him Esau (which means "hairy"). His brother came out afterward, his hand gripping Esau’s heel — so he was called Jacob (which means "heel").
Isaac was sixty years old when the children were born.
When the boys grew up, Esau was a skillful hunter who loved the open fields, while Jacob was a quiet man who stayed indoors. Isaac loved Esau, because he liked to eat the meat that he brought back; but Rebekah loved Jacob.
One time, when Jacob was cooking a stew, Esau came in from the field, exhausted. Esau said to Jacob, "Give me some of that red, red stuff to eat, for I am starving!" (This is why he was called Edom — which means "red.")
Jacob said, "First sell me your birthright."
Esau said, "I am about to die from hunger; what good is a birthright to me?"
Jacob said, "First, swear that you will give it to me." So Esau swore to give his status as elder son to Jacob.
Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew — and he ate and drank, then arose and went on his way. That’s how little Esau cared about his birthright.
~ from the book of Genesis 25:21-34
And so ends an ancient — and very weird — story about a guy who traded his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew. Why on earth would he do such a thing: surrender his inheritance and discredit his good name — in exchange for a cup of soup? Was he really all that hungry? Was he crazy? Did he hold his family in such low esteem?
Of course the real bad guy in the story has to be that Jacob. Imagine refusing to give food to your own brother! How heartless to force him to give up his dignity, his honor in the family — while sitting there with a pot full of stew!
There was certainly something wrong going on between those two. But whatever it was, it certainly has nothing to do with us. Nothing like that could ever happen in our world.
Or could it?
I wonder.
A couple of weeks ago I met with other concerned citizens to discuss the projected California State budget. Yet again our legislators were planning to "balance" the budget by cutting services to those in greatest need: the young, the old, the poor and the infirm.
We gathered together to collect stories to take to Sacramento, to schedule community forums, and develop alternative solutions. It was exciting and inspiring to be involved in the process, and a privilege to be a part of such a great group of folks.
What was most striking to me was how little people were asking for. Most needed only a small amount of help. There was a wonderful young woman there who has no arms or legs — she gets about with an electric wheelchair which she navigates with her mouth. Jan is a delight not because she’s "overcome her disability," but because she is bright, funny, and articulate. She is also a lawyer and the executive director of a local agency that empowers people with disabilities to live on their own. With the help of minimal public assistance programs (such as accessible public transit), people with disabilities can stay in their own homes, go to school, raise families, and hold down jobs. They can be, as the saying goes, "contributing members of society."
That is all anyone at the meeting wanted: that those we work with and advocate for be given the opportunity to make a difference in the world. There were no "militant" demands for "government handouts," we do not expect that their every wish should be fulfilled. But they need some help.
Without it, they may end up in dismal nursing homes, homeless shelters, or on the street. There, they become nobodies: their talents, their ideas, their skills and imagination lost; their birthrights surrendered. All they might have done, the contributions they could have made, is gone forever.
And so we held our very necessary meeting; a strategizing session to keep these hopes and possibilities alive.
The attendees represented a cross-section of America: parents of young children, elder advocates, people with disabilities, preschool teachers, food bank staffers, high school students, seniors, health care workers, teachers, librarians ...
The only ones missing from the mix were the rich and comfortable.
I guess they thought the issue didn’t concern them. After all, no one would ever ask them to choose between their "birthright" and their next meal. Their options are always open: their opportunities limited only by their imagination, their positions secure.
How different from those who live in poverty, who have lost their jobs, their insurance, or their health! Every day that fearful choice looms: will they have to surrender their pride, forego their dreams, cease doing what they love — stop being who they are — in order to feed their children, care for their aging parents or ailing spouse? Will they be able to pay the electricity bill, afford necessary medications, or keep a roof over their heads?
Low-wage workers are always at risk. They rarely receive benefits, and are the first to be laid-off in economic downturns. If they earn a raise or are given more hours at their job, the family may lose the help that makes their existence possible (such as food stamps or health care supplements) — because now they make "too much money."
There is Wealth or Welfare: but there is precious little in-between to prevent people who are on the edge from sliding into abject poverty. The "working poor" want to work: they want to contribute to society, to make a difference in the world, to honor their mothers and fathers and set an example for their children. And yet they often must give up all of these things in order to "qualify" for welfare: they are forced to surrender their birthright in exchange for a meal.
How readily we condemn Jacob for his unwillingness to feed his hungry brother! How confident we are that such a thing "could never happen here."
Jesus replied, "Who are my mother and my brothers?" Looking around at those who were sitting with him, he declared, "Look! These are my mother and my brothers and sisters! For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother."
~ Mark 3:33-35 (Mt 12.46—50; Lk 8.19—21)
Virtual hugs and real-time blessings,
Deborah +
This Week’s Suggested Spiritual Exercise: Do you know how your tax moneys are being spent? What is being funded "in your name"? What isn’t being funded that ought to be? Let your elected officials know where you want your resources to be directed.
Do you know how your tax moneys are being spent? What is being funded "in your name"? What isn’t being funded that ought to be? Let your elected officials know where you want your resources to be directed.
"Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me."
~ Matthew 25:34-36
To See this Reflection with illustrations, go to www.inklingscommunity.org
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http://www.inklingscommunity.org
~ You are welcome to forward this to others, please credit the author. ~
Holy Ground
by Deborah Beach Giordano
© July 14, 2008
On this way to Haran, Jacob stopped along the way to spend the night, because it was getting dark. He took one of the rocks to use as a pillow, and lay down to sleep.
He dreamed of a tall ladder. The bottom was set on the earth, and the top reached up to heaven; and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it.
Then God stood beside him and said, "I am the Holy One, the God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac. I will give the land on which you lie to you and to your children; your descendants will be like the dust of the earth: you shall be spread to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south — and all the families of the earth shall be blessed in you and in your descendants. I am with you and I will protect you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, "God is right here — and I didn’t even know it!" He was awe-struck. "What an incredible place! It’s nothing less than the House of God; and right here is the gate of heaven!"
The next morning Jacob arose early and took the rock he’d had under his head, and set it on its end as a marker, and poured oil over the top of it. He called the place Bethel (which means "House of God"); but the name of the city was originally Luz.
~ Genesis 28:10-19a
Last week I got a call from a neighbor who was leaving on vacation to Hawaii. "We’re renting a condo on the most perfect beach," Janet gushed, "We’ll be surrounded by waterfalls and ferns and hibiscus flowers — and mangos literally grow on trees there!"
"Sounds wonderful." I said.
"It is heaven on earth!" she declared.
After we hung up I got to thinking about the concept of "heaven on earth" — and how it always seems to be somewhere other than where we are.
Less than a month ago, one of my husband’s colleagues was visiting the Bay Area from England. As they walked out of the office into the springtime sunshine, Michael looked up at the sky, sighed, and said, "Another day in Paradise!"
His "paradise" was the very same place Janet couldn’t wait to get away from.
In the Scriptures we are told that Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden — the way back eternally barred by a fiery angel guard. Peace and happiness, communion with our God would always elude us; no longer would humankind share the same space where the Creator walked in the cool of the afternoon. We would always search for — but never find — "heaven on earth" again.
But I wonder.
Time and again the Scriptures also tell us that God is still around: that God still speaks to us, still appears to us, still creates and blesses and sustains us. People have stood in the presence of the Eternal in any number of places:
Noah hears from the Rider on the Clouds in his own backyard. Abraham and Sarah discover the Eternal outside their tents at midday. Hagar speaks with the One Who Sees while wandering in the desert. Isaac finds the Rescuer on a mountaintop. Moses will meet the Creator in a meadow filled with sheep. The list goes on and on ...
And in today’s lesson we hear about Jacob’s discovery of God on the road to Haran.
The Holy One clearly isn’t "stuck" in a particular spot, but can be found anywhere. God can be wherever God chooses to be. Sometimes the appearance is dramatic — a burning bush, wheels of fire, the parting of a sea; and sometimes God’s revelation is as soft as a whisper, as gentle as an infant’s touch.
No matter how it happens, when someone meets up with the Eternal they get pretty excited. As we see with Jacob, the experience is astonishing, overwhelming, awe-inspiring. It is a life-transforming event that he wants to commemorate: "Something tremendous happened to me. Here. In this very place. At this exact spot. I met the Living God."
Rightly, Jacob wanted to give thanks to the Holy One for God’s self-revelation and for the terrific promise that was given to him. He wanted to celebrate his experience, and to tell everybody what happened. And he wanted to mark the spot as a Special, Holy Place: to alert others that this is "the very gate of heaven" — here is the entryway to God’s house.
Jacob must have believed that Bethel was the only sacred place on earth. Only there could God be reached through a portal to paradise unavailable elsewhere. That precise spot was holy ground, and there only. Time and the Holy One proved otherwise.
From Bethel Jacob continued on his journey — onward to meet Rachel and Leah, to contend with his crafty father-in-law Laban, to father the remarkable Joseph, and eventually to make peace with his brother, Esau. As his life went on, Jacob learned that there wasn’t a single "doorway to heaven," He received holy messages, stumbled across angel encampments — and even wrestled with the angel of God — in places far from Bethel. Wherever Jacob was, God was.
The Holy One is in a quiet place by the side of the road that leads to Haran, on a rocky mountaintop, in the center of a crowded market; God travels with desert caravans, school buses, and fire trucks; God is in Honolulu and Hayward, in Boston and Beirut. Wherever we are, God is.
It is tempting to believe that the Holy One — being Perfect, Unique, and supremely Wonderful — can only be found in a unique and wonderful place far beyond our "everyday" lives. It may seem that way because that is when we are truly open to God’s communication.
We strain to hear holy whispers in the waves that kiss the island sands good morning, or the soft breezes of a moonlit night — but shut our ears to God’s voice at our kitchen table or in the traffic’s roar. We look for God’s fingerprints in redwood trees and Monarch butterflies, and fail to see that Love is writ large in dandelions and honeybees.
The Beloved is not secluded in a far off place: the Holy One doesn’t live "off the beaten track," and is not hidden from view behind grape arbors or magnolia blossoms or stalks of sugarcane. We don’t have to travel to foreign lands or exotic locations. Wherever we are, God is. All ground is holy ground. Every place is a place filled with sacred potential.
Where you are right now is holy ground. God is with you, right now.
Rejoice, and be thankful.
Virtual hugs and real-time blessings,
Deborah +
This Week’s Suggested Spiritual Exercise: What has been your experience of God’s presence in your life? Is it an idea, a feeling, a sense, an understanding?
If you thinking to yourself, "I have no idea what she’s talking about," — don’t worry. Don’t try to "have an experience of God." Simply rest in the knowledge that the Holy One is with you: at all times, in all places — and understands you perfectly, and loves you completely. That is enough.
Late in his life the Holy One calls Jacob to return to Bethel. There his new name is formally bestowed upon him — Jacob becomes "Israel," and the promise given in that place so many years before is repeated; it has not been forgotten or withdrawn. Thus we are reassured: God keeps God’s word (Genesis 35:10-12).
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