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Some people have trouble attracting a relationship simply because their energy is not aligned to what they truly want, and sometimes they don't even know what they want.
Many times relationships are attracted to us, to bring to our awareness that things we thought we wanted, we really don't want at all. In all strong healthy relationships you will find each partner has a distinct sense of self, and also the ability to be independent and interdependent.
Healthy relationships are not Co-Dependant, so in other words they do not emotionally depend on the other person satisfying your needs. Even if that need is simply to be needed.
 There are some very good books on Co-dependence out there I can recommend the ones written by Melanie Bettie. If you get angry when your partner does not do what you want, or they manipulate you, then reading these books is a must. To change patterns of relationships a part of the process if facing up to what is really going on inside you. Once you do this - things shift - life progresses - you have a choice!
Attracting the right partner, sometimes takes a little self work. Write a list; put your order into the universe, but in order to do this first you have to realize that until now you may not have been clear in your intention and aligned in your feelings in order to manifest what you want. What do you want in a partner? How do you want your relationships with your family to be? What sort of friendships do you want to develop? Do you know what you want?
In step one, you first must look honestly at yourself, step two you are required that you know what you are wanting, step three is to define who you are and what you need to develop in your own personality, then and only then can manifest into your life. Don’t spend time thinking on what you don’t want, simply become clear on what you do want.
I want to introduce you to what I call your circle of influence; Imagine there is a big circle drawn on the floor around you. That circle represents your circle of influence, the area which you influence by your thoughts and actions, the area where you interact with others. Some people only have a small circle of influence while others such as people like me, my circle of influence covers the whole globe because of whom I am and what I do.
An everyday person may have a circle of influence that aligns with their education, their social circle, even their nationality can be an influence. So often many people want to improve their circumstances, they learn new social skills for example. If your a dope smoking, addict, then it's highly unlikely you're going to attract a good, nurturing equal relationship. The old saying "like attracts like," is so correct.
If you have ever seen the movie “sliding doors?” it's a perfect example of how the small choices we make every minute can change the whole of our destiny. This movie is a wonderful example of how a person has the choice of living one life or another within the same circle of influence simply by making one different choice.
As you align to your true circle of influence you may find that you will have the urge to relocate to another city, to change your style of dress, how you speak how you behave, these are all things that come into play as you align your energy to what you want to have in your life. You cannot expect to draw different energy into your circle and stay the same as you are right now.
Abuse is like illness, those who talk of it most are those who seem to attract it into their lives, there is a big difference from being in fear of cancer for example to living in the belief and hope that good health will bless your life. Many times without knowing it we empower what we do not want simply by the way we phrase the words we use in our daily lives.
You can not just want a good relationship and not be prepared to align your energy to that which you seek. “Like attracts like.” If you are needy and co-dependant you will attract someone who also has those qualities, if you are independent and project independence you must be aware not to be pushing people away with your independence. The secret is to know what you want and then developing the skills, changing patterns in order that you are energetically aligned to what you want.
Remember the law of attraction rules ~ the happier you are, the clearer you are about what you want in your life the more you are empowered to bring that person into your life.
What if you are in a relationship that is not working what do you do then?
If you are in a relationship that at this moment is not working, I want to ask you what you are thinking about that person. If you are constantly thinking, “I hate what they do,” “I am so frustrated with them,” “I hate it that they are…..” “I want to leave and find someone better.” All these statements tell me that they are not the problem, the problem lies within you! That is right, these sorts of statements tell me you are not aligned to your highest potential, and you are not in a place where you can attract the best of this person to your experience. By thinking such things all you are doing is reinforcing what you don’t want, and remember when you do this all you will get is more of what you don’t want. That is the way the energy works.
My partner is a strong independent man, and just the other day I decided to put this theory to another test, I sat thinking about what I love about my partner that can be increased. You will laugh when I tell you what I decided to focus upon. I thought about what he loves to do and that I like him to do so the end result was I decided to mentally reinforce that I love the way my partner likes to cook and take care of the house and family, and you would not believe after about 2 days he began wanting to cook every meal, and he wanted to do the washing and vacuum!
No I didn’t influence him or brain-wash him. I simply reinforced in my thinking how much I love that he does that when I am busy writing and working. It is that simple.
What you think on you experience, and if that person is not aligned to what you are thinking of them, then they will zig while you zag, when you use the law of attraction the opposites cannot be in the same space EXCEPT when they truly complement each other.
 You will find if you are happy thinking only good thoughts, then someone who is angry and bitter will disappear from your circle of influence. Life is that way because only that which is the same can attract to itself. The challenge here could be for you to be honest with yourself and look into your heart and acknowledge that you may not have been being a happy, joyful person. The truth could be that you have been thinking upon things about people in your life that make you sad and angry and as a result this is what you have manifested within your relationship.
The law of attraction is that you will not bring happy people into your life if you are sad and angry, the perfect partner could be waiting out there in the universe for you, but not able to come into your life because you are not in agreement in energy. So if you want a happy relationship filled with only good things you must choose to begin to see yourself as a happy person, resist speaking about your sadness. Make the choice to change those habits of thinking and being within yourself that attracts and manifests the very things you do not want.
Your mind is the greatest gift, and by making the choice to laugh, sing, be of light heart and think of only loving thoughts, the universe will bring to you the very thing you desire. Remember: you can not dwell on how lonely you are and expect life to all of a sudden present love and happiness. Think on the magnets, and how like attracts like. The change must commence within you, for that is the only place your relationships can change, firstly with creating a loving happy relationship with yourself, draw upon happy memories, happy movies, happy thoughts, but do not slip into the space where you draw upon them but then feel sad inside, because this space will only attract to you more of the sad.
If you want good relationships with everyone in your life, then the secret is to focus upon what you like about yourself and what would compliment you within another person, and acknowledge the gifts that they bring to your life.
Remember that what you think and feel upon is what you will attract into your circle of influence.
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